The Style Invitational Week 940: Mess with our deads
By Pat Myers, Friday, October 7, 3:03 AM
HUSKERS GET NUDE WELCOME TO BIG TEN
(originally ‘rude welcome’)
Nebraska players distracted by marching
band, lose to Wisconsin
In response to requests from the
Facebook group Style Invitational Devotees, an encore of this variation on our
perennial “Mess With Our Heads” contest: Change a headline by one letter, or
switch two letters, or change spacing or punctuation, in a headline (or most of
a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on
washingtonpost.com from Oct. 7 through Oct. 17, and elaborate on it in a “bank”
headline (subhead), as in the entry above by Mark Holt, taken from a story in
the Oct. 2 Post.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a two-foot-long
green-and-white Gummi Snake, which should be edible, if a bit stale by now.
Donated by Melissa Yorks.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a
smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail
entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Oct.
10; results published Nov. 6 (Nov. 4 online). No more than 25 entries per
entrant per week. Include “Week 940” in your e-mail subject line or it may be
ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The revised title for next week’s results
and this week’s honorable-mentions subhead are by Kevin Dopart.
Report from Week 936, in which we asked for neologisms based on foreign terms: Each entry
below contains a link to the original word or phrase.
The winner of the Inker
Cogito ergo bum: Sudden
realization of graduating philosophy majors. (Greg Deye, Kensington, a First
Offender)
2. Winner of the Slap Ya Mama
Cajun seasoning: Altar ego: “I do, and so does she.” (Jim Reagan, Herndon, Va.)
3. Après moi le deluxe: My
wife’s run off with a millionaire. (Barrie Collins, Long Sault, Ontario)
4. Bon voltage: What you wish
a homeowner as the sky grows dark and the wind whips up. (Robert Schechter, Dix
Hills, N.Y.)
Crème de les crumbs: Honorable mentions
Ave. Maria: It’s around the
corner from Church St. (Matt Monitto, Elon, N.C.)
La Belly Époque: 21st-century
America. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Avant-garden: The flowers are
lovely, but I’m not sure about the urinal in the middle of the rhododendrons.
(Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)
Schlitzkrieg: Pregame rush at
the convenience store. (Michael Greene, Alexandria, Va.)
’Fro pas: A perm disaster.
(Elise Jacobs, Silver Spring, Md.)
Meat culpa: Confessions of a
lapsed vegetarian. (John Shea, Philadelphia)
Fin de sickle: When the
hammer fell on the Berlin Wall. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)
Fit accompli: When the
screaming 2-year-old finally gets the cookie. (Jo Ann Staebler, Manassas, Va.,
a First Offender)
Domino’s vobiscum: Pizza be
with you. (Mel Loftus, Alexandria, Va.)
Hatwa: Declaring an open
season of snark on Princess Beatrice. (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England)
Ode de toilette: Bathroom
stall poetry. (Tony Arancibia, Falls Church, Va.)
No-bless oblige: First
Amendment protection for atheists. (Mark Richardson, Washington)
Mi casa es Sue’s casa: I
can’t believe the judge gave her the house! (Gene Hartis, Sealy, Tex., a First
Offender)
D’oh naturel: Forgot my
pants! (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Alma matter: The slew of
fundraising mail from your university. (Tom Panther, Springfield, Va.)
Maison d’ebtre: A house about
to be repossessed. (Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.)
Quid pro quote: “A penny for
your thoughts” adjusted for inflation. (Yuki Henninger, Vienna, Va.)
Je ne sais ha: I don’t get
it. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
Magna cum fraude: Graduating
with high honors from Diploma Mill U. (David Genser, Poway, Calif.)
Horse d’oeuvres: Appetizers
made with filly mignon. (Marian Carlsson, Lexington, Va.)
Mirage à trois: In your
dreams, man. (Keith Maynard, Annapolis, Md.)
Arroz con polio: The
second-worst health code violation in the restaurant industry, just behind
Enchiladas con Ebola. (Robert Schechter)
Ipso fatso: “So, yes, I’m
afraid that means you need to buy two airplane tickets, sir.” (Mike Harbert,
Leesburg, Va., a First Offender)
Perishtroika: Russia’s return
to All Putin All the Time. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
Persona non tata: A flat-chested
woman. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Tour de forceps: Delivery of
a 16-pound baby. (Theresa Kowal, Silver Spring, Md.)
Trump-l’oeil: A combover that
fools no one. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Deductio ad absurdum: A good
way to get audited. (Pam Sweeney)
Bin voyage: Burial at sea.
(Jay Cummings, Greenbelt, Md., a First Offender)
Cart Blanche: What Dorothy
and Rose have to do after a wild night on the Miami strip. (Dion Black,
Washington)
Caveat empty: Batteries not
included. (Brian Cohen, Potomac, Md.)
Coltus interruptus: When Bob
Irsay pulled out of Baltimore, 1984. (Theresa Kowal)
Church la femme: “Your mother
and I think you and your girlfriend have been living together long enough.”
(Stan McLeroy, Herndon, Va.)
Entrée gnu: Roast beest.
(Mark Segal, Rockville, Md., who got his only previous Invite ink in 2002)
Laissez-ferry: A vessel
steered by an invisible hand. (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)
Mardi Gas: Fart
Tuesday. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Obgyn d’art: A Georgia
O’Keeffe painting. (Christopher Lamora,, Guatemala City)
Bum de terre: A couch potato.
(Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Pox copuli: An STD. (Barrie
Collins)
Zitgeist: Spirit of the
teenage. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)
Affaire de cur: Ciao, baby,
I’m not into meaningful relationships. (Barrie Collins)
Après mop le déluge : Just
when I’ve dried out my basement after Irene, here comes Lee. (Pam Sweeney)
Nouvelle cuy-sine: The latest
culinary trend — Andean guinea pig. (Kathy el-Assal, Middleton, Wis.)
Hare Krishnag:
Mommm. . . mommm . . .mommm . . . (Judy
Blanchard)
Veni, veni, veni: I had a
very nice time. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
Ex Post fixo: Retired
newspaper copy editor. (Susan Thompson , Cary, N.C.)
And Last: La
page aux folles: The back of the Sunday Style section. (David Keating, Chevy
Chase, Md., a First Offender)
Next week: Staake it to him or Caldenotts